Thursday, August 21, 2008

On Swearing

My first year in grad school I roomed with a Biochem grad student. He was a decent guy, but his choice in friends was somewhat questionable. One guy in particular, let's call him Assface, was a real piece of work. He was your average let's-drive-drunk-and-crash-a-freshman-dorm-party-to-pick-up-chicks kind of guy. You know, a real quality character.

One night, as my roommate and his friends are pre-partying in preparation for a night of underage booty scavenging, Assface tells me that I shouldn't swear because, get this, it isn't ladylike.

Now, I am rarely what I would call ladylike. It's not really high on my priority list. But the reason this comment really chapped my adorable behind is because Assface definitely cursed plenty, as did my roommate, all his friends, and pretty much all human beings between the ages of 12 and 35. It was clearly not the cursing that bothered Assface. It was the fact that I was a girl who cursed/curses like a grizzled old truck driver.

So of course I told Assface to "F*cking bite me".

**Fastforward 7 years.**

I'm in the office of my boss, Dr. DNA. Dr. DNA mentions that her neice, who works as a technician in a lab on campus, has been having problems with a certain biochemistry grad student in her lab.

Is his name Assface? I ask.

Why yes!
Dr. DNA replies. How did you know?

So I regale her with several stories of Assface-related chauvinism. ...and one time he told me I shouldn't swear because "it isn't ladylike!"

Dr. DNA considers this but briefly. Well I don't think you should swear, she says, but that's because I think there are so many more descriptive and eloquent ways to express yourself.

Eloquent perhaps, I respond, but when I say that all this insurance bullshit is making me balls-to-the-wall batsh*t f*cking crazy, I think you understand exactly what I mean.*

*Disclaimer: Actual real life response to my actual real life boss may have involved significantly less bravado and fewer curse words. p-value << 0.005


Amanda said...

Aw, just like my Aunt used to say: Once an Assface, always an Assface.

ruchi aka arduous said...

I was going to say, "your mom's an assface!" and then I wondered if it was inappropriate to make "your mom" jokes 1) on your blog and 2) when you are going through all this insurance bullsh**.

Aunt Becky said...

I swear unapologetically and people really, REALLY dislike it.

Candid Engineer said...

I like to curse because it is unexpected and thus often makes people laugh. If they don't laugh, it is an easy way to tell that I don't want to be friends with them.

Matt & Sarah said...

And in a parallel way with candid engineer, it's only when I hear well-spoken, filthy cursing that I truly begin to respect the person who says it. BTW, I've just caught onto your blog, funny stuff! However, sorry to hear about the latest news :(

mama of the valley said...


EcoGeoFemme said...

I just traumatized EGM's sister-in-law by telling her that I think I'll let my kids swear at home. It secretly made me happy to see her squirm as she tried to lecture me without making a scene.

I like it that you swear. :)

Anonymous said...

I swear, and once my person that I married told me not to because it was not ladylike and motherly. So I said as sweetly as I could "I am so sorry but i didn't ever fucking swear until I lived with you." I do have to say that was a moment I would like to see again. I know so many more words now that could have been incorporated into that sentence- LOL!!

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