So a few months ago, a bunch of my good friends from grad school decided to reunite in Vegas for a weekend of March madness shenanigans. Husband and I debated about whether or not we could go. We were just recovering from the Christmas holidays, during which we had much less time for grown-up activities (like seeing friends, talking to each other, etc) than we had anticipated. And the March weekend was still months away... it seemed reasonable at the time that Bean might be ready for a weekend with Grandma while Husband and I had a break together to play with some of our friends.
Husband had me all convinced that this would be a great time to get away together... we'd get to hang out with our friends, get a couple of uninterupted nights' sleep, go someplace WARM(!), and actually spend some non-baby time together. The Bean, meanwhile, would have the attention of a very devoted grandma to play with her and hug her and keep her safe and happy while we were away.
And, we assured ourselves, if at the last minute I decided I just couldn't leave the Bean, we could bring her along and just lounge by the pool all weekend and maybe bet on a couple of basketball games.
All of this seemed fairly reasonable at the time.
Now our trip is two weeks away, and I have to tell you... I'm not sure I can do it. I was clearly not in my right mind when I agreed to this.
At the time, I was extremely burnt out. The idea of having a couple mornings to sleep in seemed like heaven. And it is still grey and wintery here, and the idea of going ANYWHERE and laying by a pool was also extremely attractive. I also believed that it would be quite reasonable to bring the Bean along if I decided to.
Okay, taking a baby to Vegas is the dumbest idea ever. Seriously. I think the only thing worse than going to Vegas Easter weekend (which we are) is taking your baby to Vegas Easter weekend. Right? This is not a family friendly place. And after the miserable time we had baby wrangling in L.A., I don't think baby wrangling in Vegas is going to be any easier. So it's just not a realistic option to take the Bean with us.
But leaving my 11 month old for two days sounds like we should win the World's Worst Parents Award. I feel like we're just one step up from that couple who locked their three-year-old foster kid in a closet while they went away for the weekend. I mean, of course Bean would be fine (right?) with Grandma, and I bet she'd have a great time. And Grandma is dying for some one-on-one time with the Bean. But I feel terrible for wanting to go.
And I'm not even sure if I want to go anymore. If we hadn't already bought our tickets and booked our hotel, I would definitely not be going. But we have. Will I even be able to have a good time? Or will I just be feeling guilty and sad the whole time?
Sigh. Oh internets. I feel terrible.
Tenure impacts and the two-body problem
3 days ago