Friday, April 18, 2008
Tomorrow is Bean's 1st birthday. To say that it has been a year since Bean was born seems impossible for me to comprehend. At once it feels like no time has passed and like Bean has always been a part of our lives. Perhaps because she consumes us so completely, I can no longer imagine a life without her.
It's impossible for me to describe what it is to love my child. I love my husband and I love my family... dearly, completely. But there is nothing so all-consuming as the love I feel for my Bean. She can knock the wind out of me, leave me breathless and awestruck. At night, when I lay my hand on her tiny perfect back to feel her chest rise and fall, I am at once overjoyed and humbled.
She's independent and curious, affectionate and gentle. She's a clown and a flirt, a little extrovert who smiles and coos for your entertainment. She is a constant observer, always watching the people and activity around her. She loves her dog. When she finds Pup resting on the floor, she will crawl over to her and lay her head on Pup's side for as long as Pup will let her. She gives "kisses" now, opening her mouth and pressing her lips to your cheek. Hugs are abundant, and when she wants up, she raises her arms and pleads with her eyes. She is active, always looking for some new bit of trouble to get into (it's often hidden in drawers).
She's changing each day, and I feel blessed to be a part of her life. It's hard for an agnostic to truly explain what it is to be blessed like this, but she is a gift. A gift.
I've changed a lot too in the past year. And while some people find that having a child drives a distance between them and their spouse, becoming parents has taught Husband and I just how much we can rely on each other. The past year has not been easy. But I thank whatever circumstances brought Husband and I together, because I know exactly what it is to have a partner in this life. I hope that the strong marriage we have built together shows Bean exactly what to look for one day.
Little Bean, I love you so much. May your life be as blessed as mine has been.