Thursday, July 31, 2008

Officially a...

I used to read this now defunct blog called Officially A Mom. It's too bad that it's gone because it was pretty d*mn funny, but it has been dead for awhile.

Recently the phrase "officially a mom" popped into my head... Why? Because with Husband out of town, I was forced to drop a deuce with the Bean in my lap. I am officially a mom, I thought. But then, I've thought that before.

-Realized I hadn't plucked my eyebrows in 6 weeks: Officially a mom
-Breastfed in a gas station parking lot: Officially a mom
-Saw spit up on my shirt as I was leaving the house but said eh, f*ck it: Officially a mom
-Baby spit up in my mouth (it's a long story): Officially a mom
-Had to stop in the middle of doin' it because the baby was crying: Officially a mom
-Realized I was the lady in the grocery store with the crying kid: Officially a mom
-Frequently use the phrase "BM": Officially a mom

When did you know you were Officially A (insert stereotype here)?


canuck_grad said...

Noticed a woman cashier at the grocery store checking out my chest, then realizing I was leaking like crazy: Officially a Mom

"Had to stop in the middle of doin' it because the baby was crying" - that just happened to me today! lol

This could be your new career. It's like Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be redneck" lol.

Isis the Scientist said...

In the grocery store, ate a half-chewed piece of food that my son pulled out of his mouth and handed to me when he didn't want it anymore. Why did I eat it? Because I didn't want to walk around the store with half-chewed food in my hand: Officially a Mom.

And this morning my I caught my little son with the thermometer in his hand (my husband had left it out). He had a fever last week and my husband took his temperature. So,this morning I walked into the room to find my child trying to put the thermometer in his bottom through his diaper and shorts. An I laughed: Officially a Mom.

ScienceMama said...

Leaked all over a dress that I was trying on at a store: Officially a mom.

(Told the clerk I spilled coffee on it... I didn't like the dress that much but I figured you drench it you bought it.)

Candid Engineer said...

Oh gosh, that's funny. You actually got me to laugh out loud on that one... a rare feat indeed. I'll have to get back to you on my official status as something or another.

ScientistMother said...

monkey came off the breast and a stream of milk came shooting out almost hitting Mr.SM too which he said "wow you really can produce milk!". Officially a dairy cow, aka officially a mom

canuck_grad said...

Lol @ scientist mother - I do that *all* the time. The nightstand next to the rocking chair in baby's room is covered in milk spray stains. Almost sprayed a friend sitting next to me on the couch the other day.

ScienceWoman said...

Breastfed in a pair of pants I was trying on in the store, leakage when Minnow pulled off, had to buy the pants. Officially a Mom.

Looked at food-crusted child's hair. Looked at sleepy eyes and behavior. Thought - we can wait on the bath, she'll just add more food tomorrow. Officially a Mom.

arduous said...

Is it bad that I'm NOT a mom and yet I still often go 6 weeks without plucking my eyebrows?

I have moments like this all the time only they're usually related to being "green" since it would kinda be weird if I was lactating. :)

Like for example, the fact that everyone at work knows my bowl and spoon since I bring one in instead of using disposables. When someone catches me watching ziplocs. Using one roll of toilet paper per month. Realizing I haven't been to Target for 8 months... officially an eco-nut.

The bean-mom said...

Oh, these are funny!

Eating food that's been in my children's mouths--yup, I've done that. Officially a mom. (No physical boundaries at all).

Gone on the toilet with infants and toddlers on my lap--yup, done that. Officially a mom.

But the biggest (and not so funny one)--realizing that I'm a mom every time one of my kids gets sick. Cleaning up a baby who's covered in vomit. Bringing her into bed with us, only to have her spew over the sheets. Cleaning up baby and sheets, and walking, holding, rocking the shivering girl through the night. Oh yes, officially a mom.